Geese. Does anyone really like them? Is there anyone in the world who looks at a goose and says “there is an elegant, stately, beautiful, graceful animal that I completely admire?”

No. No one. Because geese are annoying birds that poop everywhere and have a brain the size of my thumb. And that obnoxious honking! Good gracious. I’m not sure why it’s illegal to shoot them dead, I’m pretty sure no one would miss them. I’ll bet that anyone who argues for the preservation of geese does not see them on a daily basis.

So I was walking back from class the other day, and I got this overwhelming urge to punt a goose. Just all out kick that thing into oblivion. Thankfully for the geese, I was able to rein in my aggression.

As I walked in the middle of the flock trying to control my impulses, a goose started to walk across the path, where I was walking. And  it hissed at me! That stupid lump of feathers walked into my clear path, then had the balls to say that I was the trespasser and hiss at me! The nerve!

I mean, come on goose. I obviously weight at least 8 times as much as you do. I’m far more intelligent; I’m attending University for goodness sake. I’m well equiped with hard shoes and have strong muscles. And yet you, with your puny wings and thin fragile little neck and hollow bones and your creepy little goose eyes, think that you could possible threaten me? As if.

I would win in a fight any day. I’d stare that goose straight in the eyes, throw up my arms, let out a menacing hiss, bare my teeth, and tear that feathered fowl limb from limb.

But I simply passed by, glaring at the hostile goose as I stalked away. Until next time, sir goose. I will give you this one warning: the next time you challenge me, prepare to meet your maker.